naki-zoumon

My Friday morning starts of with amazing news. I get to Ueno all excited about the last day of the week. But it’s rush hour because I have a morning class. AND the Keihin Tohoku line (the only other line out of Ueno to Tokyo) isn’t running. SOOOO. Everyone gets on the Yamanote. The damn Yamanote. There were so many damn people there that I had to wait for the 3rd train (and about 2000 people get one one train). So that was an interesting start to my day.

After classes were done I headed over to meet with the guy who had stopped me on the train a few days earlier. It was great. We talked about the kid I’m supposed to teach. We talked about how he should learn English. We talked about why the guy has a huge gash on his head (“I LOOOOOVE drinking” was his answer). As we parted, he told me I have to go drinking with him at least once before I leave. With a gash on his head like that, I’m sure he knows how to party.

Steph cooked some amazing Portuguese food for dinner. I hearted the soup. It was very good and I had 2 bowls of it. And I was happy. And then Evan strummed some tunes while we listened. And then there was Office Space. Office Space is a good movie. I like it somewhat at least. Dumb, but good. Oh yeah. Steph’s okaasan (host mom) is the most amazing okaasan in the world. I can’t wait to go to the BBQ to talk to her again. She’s such a little gossip queen.







On the way home we hit up a bar for a quick Pint with the boys who live in the dorms and then it was home. And what a ride it was. I sat next to this guy who after frantically typing a few emails on his laptop, closed it and started to write a text message. And never finished it because the poor guy passed out.




So Saturday I woke up in the morning to go to this thing called Naki-Zoumon. Crying Festival. I saw this on the list of things to visit/festivals and asked one of our resident directors what it was. Apparently, it’s a contest held every year at a temple here that is supposed to measure the healthiness of a baby.

How?

They get 2 babies in a ring, scare the shit out of them, and whichever one cries first is the healthier one.

ONLY IN JAPAN. I was gonna go. No doubt.

But I slept for a little longer. and then got on the long ass train ride to this temple. (On the train I see this random chick falling asleep on a guy who’s already asleep).I get out, look for this ring. Our Resident director was NOT kidding.



The ring was set up like a sumo ring. They had the guy singing the names of the kids out then they had a referee too. They had sumo wrestlers who’d hold the babies and make faces at them and try to scare them. If there was a stalemate after a while, a guy with a demon mask would run up and go right up to the baby’s face.

The "Ring"

The "Ring"

Bringing out the demon masks.

This one is definitely healthy.

With a face like that I'd shit my pants.


It was ridiculous. I love it. But about 10 minutes later the rain came. I managed to shoot well for 10 minutes. That’s what getting 2 songs at concerts trains you to do.

Met up with some cats, went to McDonald’s to grab some food. Had Will and Pat sing Bohemian Rhapsody in the middle of McDonald’s. Quite sweet.

Thunderbolts of lightning, very very frightening....


Tomorrow. The Auto Show. Cannot wait.

Next week.

Kimono Festival (I hope)
Paul Oakenfold
Paul Van Dyk
Flowerland

nihonjin wa CRAZY desune.

we’ve been getting some shit weather lately. cold and rainy. and I asked my host dad about the weather here. apparently my town is 2 degrees colder than Tokyo. great.

today I will write about trains. since I spend about a fifth of my time awake everyday on trains. well… about 2 hours minimum. and then whatever else depending on where I want to go. regardless, it’s a lot of time in the presence of total strangers.

well yesterday morning I was on the train, studying for a Japanese quiz. the guy next to me gets up and leaves, and a young woman sits down. pretty cute. ok. study for quiz time. and then she yawns.

I swear on my life that I smelled death. Death in the form of breath. I was just about to vomit, no joke. I mean, if it was a little kid, yeah that’s understandable. And some guys are just generally disgusting and unhygienic. But this was a woman in her 20’s. It was ridiculous. And I almost died.

and then today I was on the train coming back from Shinjuku and something weird happened. on my last train I stood in front of the seats, because everybody seems to get off before my station. and as I wait for these people to get off the train, I look around. this girl sitting in front of me just looked out into space. for about 30 minutes she barely blinked, head in the same position. the train bobbled left to right. but her head stayed in the same position. staring in one space. I literally felt like waving my hand in front of her face to see if she was alive. weird.

And what would crazy Japanese be without Crazy TELEVISION????


So another TV show I watched was crazy. In this one, they had celebrity guests come in and COOK. YES! COOK. They had a panel of judges who would eat the food and decide whether it is good or not. At the end they also had a ranking of all the celebrities who had cooked on the show. But that’s not important.

So the first lady comes on and she’s some sort of actress. Her cooking is alright. The guys cringed a little bit while tasting. The second lady’s food was alright too. The third was a-ok. And then the fourth person came on. She’s an 18 year old popstar who’s mother is Japanese and father is CEO of some company.

Now when she made the food and revealed it to everyone I’m sure some of the tasters’ stomachs just said “NO I’M NOT GONNA EAT THAT”. That’s what my host dad said. He was like KIIIIIIIIIIIMMMOCHIIIII WARUUIIIIIIIII. As in “HOLY MOTHER OF GOD THAT CRAP LOOKS LIKE SHIT AND I WOULD NEVER PUT THAT ANYWHERE NEAR MY MOUTH”. It looked like crap. No joke. Like someone just dumped a bunch of shit onto a pan and then mixed it up. And there was a fish head in it and a drumstick. It was crazy.

So everyone tried it and nearly vomited. And they made her try her own food. She nearly vomited. It was amazing. I love Japanese television.

Oh yeah. And the losers of the show had to wash all the dishes at the end.

How high would TV ratings in the states shoot up if you had George Clooney squaring off in a cook-off with Jim Carrey, or Brad Pitt. And then the loser having to wash the dishes on national TV. It would be priceless.

Here's some photos:


Tasting the food

Eating more food.

A Chart topping singer. Her food was disgusting.

The winners squared off. The one on the left eventually won.

Losers scrubbing.

There you have it, a chart topper doing the dishes.

4/24

This was essentially yesterdays blog, but something screwed up.


as usual, i was cutting it close on the train today. very close.

now halfway to school (or 2/3s of the way there if you want to be technical) i switch trains to get on the famous Yamanote line. The line that transfers about half of Tokyo in the morning rush hour. Turns out, the Yamanote-sen is at a standstill. As I'm walking down the stairs, the announcement comes onto the PA system. And as the announcement is finishing i see the craziest thing so far in Tokyo.

Everyone from the relatively packed Yamanote line that's standing on track 3, runs across to Track 4 onto the blue train. Amazing. I have never seen so many frantic Japanese at once. You'd think that The Big One was hitting or that Godzilla was ripping up the street.

But no. This was worse.

THAT was the only train to TOKYO STATION from UENO. OOOHHHH... *play heavy drums*

I slowly walked down the stairs and squeezed myself onto that train. I was still late to school.

This is why it happened:

Yamanote stops

So this proves about 2,000 people can fit on one train. Wow.

Got to Tokyo station, transferred trains to the famous suicide Orange colored train. Suicide Orange b/c so many people jump in front of this train. Maybe it’s the pretty color. Maybe it’s just the fact that it’s the RAPID service and it doesn’t stop very often.

But I’m going through my vocabulary list to study for a quiz, and I notice this cat next to me writing physics notes. An old professor type. After a bit he flips over his paper and starts writing in English. Whatever.

My stop. I get off. This guy gets off as well. I’m walking toward the exit and I feel a tap on my shoulder.

This guy wrote out in English what he wanted to say to me.

“I’m sorry I’m being impolite, but I am a teacher and I have an 18 year old student who would like some English conversation classes. I will pay you … to help him out. Are you interested?”

He was so cute. And funny. How could I say no?

Wow, what a reason to be late. Hell yeah I was interested. I gave him my card, number and email. Lo and behold I come home and there’s an email in my inbox. Hooray for finding jobs in the middle of fuckin nowhere.

Bizarre.


After school I raced home and changed into a suit for a job interview. Boy do I heart suits. But I went to the interview and it turns out that you have to sign a contract for a year for most of these schools around here. Oh well.


So much for looking snazzy.

I could use some Digestive Biscuits to make me feel better.



Hahahaha… that shit just cracks me up.

here’s some more Engrish for you:

French Fries package from our school

time flies

Another week is practically gone by.

It was great to get into the full swing of classes finally. It started getting a little boring to be honest. The commute is still a hassle. And it is still a sardine-packed trip on my 2nd train. Especially for my morning classes. But I guess I’m starting to get used to getting up 2 hours before class.

TV here is great. Not just great. Fucking awesome.

We were sitting around with the family watching TV after dinner and this show comes on.

The show gets celebrity/comedian guests, who dress up in costumes. In this particular show, the guest would get spun around in a circle for about a minute on this machine, then they would try to cross a beam over a pool of hot water.

They had a small tub of crushed ice for the people to jump into outside.

Why don’t people in the US come up with this kinda shit? I’d PAY to see Tom Cruise or Russell Crowe get spun around, try to cross a pool and jump onto a small tub of ice.


Getting spun around

Walking across the pool on the beam

The tub of ice


WTF???????

But that was not it. We had another show that I didn’t quite understand. The female presenters were dressed in tuxes. All the male participants/comedians were dressed in drag. It was awful. They also had a celebrity guest dressed in drag.

They’d have a musician or TV-star come in and have to rate these “girls” based on a few factors. This particular one had to choose based on two things. First, the kiss. The contestants had to kiss the air and then he chose the best one. What he didn’t know is that “she” actually had to kiss him. So “Madonna” got to kiss the TV-Star. Then the second time, he had to choose based on the “puppy dog look”. The celebrity guest won this one. It actually took the TV-star a while to figure out that it was the celebrity guest too.

Not Men

Definitely Men


Yes, this celebrity kissed "Madonna"


These shows are nuts. Crazy Japanese if you ask me.


Wednesday a new holiday was created. Well, not really a holiday. But Wandering Wednesdays kicked off with a gathering at Yoyogi Park. Apparently the name is now Wakaranai Wednesdays. I'm down for whatever. We are going to make t-shirts. ANYWAYS.




Wandering Wednesdays is a weekly event. We visit the local Conbini/convenience store, stock up on alcoholic beverages namely beer or Chu-Hi, the local mixed can drink, and then wander around and find a new place to hang out. On the train back I passed out and nearly missed my station. Hooray for Wakaranai/Wandering Wednesdays. Next week's transmission: Ueno Park.

On Friday we decided it would be a good day to finally go out. Tokyo when you go out. You go out. Trains stop running at around midnight, so it’s difficult to get back. Actually our cab back to my friend’s apartment cost us about 20 bucks. And it was just a few miles.

After getting to Ropponggi, we proceeded to go to a club called Vanilla. It sounded good and the website looked good too. Turns out you have to be 23 to get in for guys.

For girls? Girls have boobs. And boobs get girls in everywhere. I said it. Call me a chauvinist. I’m just being realistic.

But we looked through and found another place called Lexington Queens. Apparently a lot of celebs party there. Some old cat owned the club. I don’t know. Frankly I didn’t care. All I really cared about at that point was the $25 all you can drink deal. It was sweet.

So the club was filled with gaijin. Foreigners. Not exactly the club I imagined it to be. But what the hell. Filled with Americans too. Americans love cheap booze. And so do I. There were tons of models in there. Skinny Russian models. Bitchy Russian models. I remember someone (she will not have her name revealed to prevent her turning 10 shades of red) in a drunken stupor wanting to yell “go eat a fucking steak or something”. This was fashion TV models. All they did was smoke cigarettes. And apparently one of them had some coke, Kate Moss style. Fuckin Models. Trouble makers I say.







The dancefloor was full, the drinks kept coming (and were actually decent) and the party went into full swing. ‘Twas brilliant.

So after drinking a lot and partying even more. We ended up at a friend’s apartment after paying $20 for a cab ride that was essentially 5 minutes. But nobody cared. It was an awesome evening. And naturally I passed out on the futon; between a guy and a girl.

In the morning I looked like shit and I felt like shit. And I had to walk all the way back to the station and try to get home. Well, after getting stared at literally everywhere, I bought some shoe-cream cakes at the Ueno station and got onto the 3rd train I had to take to get home. I fell asleep on the actual train, and then once it stopped I woke up and got off. Turns out I got off a station before I was supposed to. Had to wait around for the next train.

Home. Bed. Lots of it.

Sunday morning proved to be a wonderful morning. But there was no food in the house.

McDonald’s.

I’m Loving It.

and I had Digestive Biscuits for tea time. What the fuck are they? God knows.



Peace.

another week passed by...

the past few days have been a little bit hectic.

everything from registering for classes on Monday to nomikai (drinking party) with the Badminton club

Registering for class was awful. It was weird and really old school. in this age of internet and technology, being in the most technologically advanced country in the world, you’d think they’d do everything by like DNA scan or something. Drop of blood on a machine, and then based on your DNA makeup they can predict which classes you want to take.

No.

You have to write it out on a piece of paper and fill in some squares. A few batsus (crosses) later, you’re ready. And then you go up the stairs in some building and throw the sheet of paper into a cardboard box. HI – fucking – TECH if you ask me. Congratulations.

At least they use blackboard.

Sometime during the week, Francesca, Pat, Ben and I went into a used camera store. Where I felt like walking into the gates of heaven.

Leicas. Hundreds of them. I could hear the angels already.

They all called my name. Silently.

Piotr

Come Here

Look at the price


There was a special edition for $50,000. Never been used. Hardcore serial numbers. Collector’s edition. MMM….

T’was nice.

Wednesday evening we went out for a few beers. Or was it Tuesday. Sometime during the week we went to an Irish pub right next to campus for a few beers. And it was happy hour. Too bad it was ￥100 OFF. I thought that was the special.



Drinking with your closest friends is fun. And apparently the food there is pretty good too. But Alas, it has no large screen TV. Which means my search for a World Cup bar continues…

We had class on Thursday and Friday. Our registration results came back. Ooooohhhh. Got all my classes except a Religion & Conflict class, which I’m gonna push my way into. I went to the first lecture and it was awesome. That class is staying on my schedule. I also got bumped up to fast-track Japanese, which I don’t mind at all. At least I’ll be learning new stuff.

Also, I was almost late for some of my classes. The morning ones especially. It’s no secret that a lot of suicide happens in Japan. Apparently most of train-related suicide happens in downtown Tokyo. And my express Chuo Orange line is the all time favorite. So Wednesday and Thursday, my trains were delayed because of “accidents” that had happened earlier. Apparently one of them was a suicide.

Frankly I don’t care if you want to commit suicide. It’s your choice. But if you’re gonna do it, don’t do it on my line. Or just wait until I get to school. I know I’m mean. But seriously. Don’t jump in front of my train.

And apparently, when you commit suicide in front of a train in Japan, they identify your body and then send the cleanup and damage bill to your family. Yes. Your family pays for you committing suicide and slowing down train traffic. Crazy Japanese.

Friday after class was the highlight of the week. I am thinking about joining the Badminton Club here. It looked cool, and my friend from high school is in it. So I’m thinking “dinner together or something, sounds good.”

so we get to this restaurant, and there’s food on the table. Yes. And then the alcohol comes out. And everyone goes nuts. Japanese have funny drinking games. And they’re fun too.

“Koronkoronkon, Koronkoronkon, Sosouu, Sosouuu”

At least that’s what it sounded like. That’s what everyone ‘sang’ when you called someone by the wrong name, major or year (after introductions). You had to chug your glass.

Some of the first years no doubt got toasted. I only drank a lot when they said that we had to leave, and someone had placed a brand new opened bottle in front of me. A large one I must say. So I finished it in under 10 minutes. This was already after 2 hours of drinking.





Karaoke after that was fun too. Everyone went crazy. And this place had free ice cream as well.





Japanese Gibberish on the screen


I got home not too late and decided that I would go to a Motorsports Club event. We were supposed to meet at school at 6.30 in the morning and drive out to Fuji. So I set my alarm for 4.30 which would give me enough to get prepared, get on the train and get there.

But, I slept through the alarm, probably turning it off. I got a phonecall from my friend Matt who was already at school. So I decided I was going to take the train out there. I get on my train in Abiko and take one train to Ueno station, then Kanda station, then an express that takes me from Kanda to Shinjuku station that takes me there in 10 minutes and omits all the 10 stops along the way.

So I get to Kanda, and it turns out that all the Chuo Line trains are normal today. Which means the orange express isn’t an express.

It’s still orange though.

So the ride that’s supposed to take 10 minutes ends up taking about 25, and I arrive at Shinjuku station with just enough time to get on the direct train to Fuji.

Apparently not. I try to by a ticket and they said the last tickets were sold at 10:10. It was 10:14. And the train left at 10:20. I could’ve gone to another station and taken a train with 2 changes, but at that point I didn’t really want to anymore.

So I went to Harajuku district, had a coffee to battle the major headache from lack of sleep and drinking. I decided then to wander around the area for a little bit. I trekked up to the Meiji Shrine in Tokyo. It’s beautifully made, though not as extravagant as the shrines in Nikko. Maybe it’s the red painted wood. I did see some couples in traditional Japanese wedding outfits. Looked awesome.

Breakfast of Champions

Sad, Missed-the-train face.... Rawrrrrrrrr

Leicas and Coffee for breakfast. What could be better?

Meiji Shrine

Traditional Wedding


This evening was a little birthday party for my host family. This past week was Sakurako (the daughter), the mother’s and Tora’s birthdays. Tora is the huge Golden Retriever. So dinner was awesome.

They set up a Teflon tray and we got to cook our own meat in the middle of the table. And then noodles. Food was amazing.

The father also baked an awesome cake. Strawberry sponge cake. We popped the party poppers that I bought, freaked the shit out of the dog who knocked over a plant, ate the cake. Tora got the last piece of cake.

The Cake

Dinner before the cake....

The Moronos and myself. Sorry about the hair. Fell asleep after taking a shower with wet hair. Tora's in the right corner.

Moronos. Yukio, Sakurako, Hiromi, Fumio


So far a successful weekend. Homework day tomorrow. It’s what I get for joining the faster track of Japanese.

Happy Easter Everyone.

And what would a blog be without a crazy japanese comment.

Well I was shopping in the Combini the other day (the convenience store), and I came across a drink.

Whiskey in a can.



Who the fuck does that.

And it's only 9% alcohol.

Crazy Japanese.


Happy Spring everyone.
Here's some tulips for you cats: